Hills of Inverrary News

🚓 Opening Act: The Towing Nostalgia Tour This week's Rules and Regulations Committee meeting felt like a live taping of Black Mirror: COA Edition. The Rules and Regs Guy kicked things off with misty-eyed nostalgia for the “good old days” when cars were towed for merely thinking about curbs. His 10-minute time limit ballooned into a TED Talk titled Authoritarian Landscaping: A Retrospective. When reminded of the clock, he laughed—because rules are for residents, not the rule-makers. 🧹 Personal Items = Public Enemy The committee then clarified that any personal item touching a common area would be “swiftly dealt with.” Translation: fines, lawsuits, liens, and possibly exile. Renters? Silenced. Not a whisper. Not even a polite cough. One resident sneezed and was immediately added to the violation log. 🚙 Guest Pass: Now with Threat Detection The pièce de résistance? The unveiling of the new dashboard guest pass—a glossy laminated threat that reads like a ransom note. If your tire gr...

Welcome to the Hills of Inverrary, where infrastructure is crumbling—unless, of course, you're a board member with a pet project and a plumbing problem. While residents beg for basic repairs, certain board members seem to be living in a taxpayer-funded fantasyland, complete with custom landscaping, driveway dividers, and hush-hush sewer fixes. Let’s break this down. 🧱 The Rotten Railroad Ties of Favoritism A board president allegedly had her sewer line repaired —on the association’s dime—while telling a fellow resident with chronic backups, “We’re not replacing sewer lines until we can do a special assessment.” A board president also got new landscaping stones , including creosote railroad ties , which are not only banned in many communities but also flagged by the EPA for their carcinogenic properties. Another board member reportedly installed a driveway divider to block neighbor parking. Not a community-wide initiative—just a personal vendetta with concrete. Meanwhile, a n...

Let’s talk about transparency. Not the kind that shows up in glossy newsletters with clipart of palm trees and vague promises of “fiscal responsibility.” I mean real transparency—the kind that comes with receipts, spreadsheets, and a few raised eyebrows when the landscaping budget mysteriously triples. At Hills of Inverrary, we’ve been pushing for a formal forensic audit of our association’s finances. Why? Because residents deserve to know where their money’s going—and whether it’s being shoveled into potholes or quietly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle of condo accounting. But surprise! The board isn’t exactly rolling out the red carpet. Between cost concerns and a sudden case of “we’ll look into it,” it’s clear we may need a Plan B. 🧠 Enter: The Resident-Led Forensic Audit Taskforce If the board won’t approve a forensic audit or we don't get the requisite number of votes during our special meeting of the membership, we’ll do what any self-respecting community of intelligen...

Last night’s Hills of Inverrary board meeting was less “governance” and more “govern-antics.” If you missed it, don’t worry—we took notes so you wouldn’t have to. Buckle up, truck class. This one’s for you. 🛻 Victory for the Truck Class! The board president opened with a long-winded sermon on the dangers of pickup trucks—apparently they’re the gateway vehicle to chaos. But after a community outcry, especially from the newly mobilized Hills of Inverrary News blog!, she backed off the anti-truck crusade. Trucks live to park another day. Cue the tailgate party. 🚨 Stickergate: The Reckless Proclamation Next came the Sticker Proclamation™: any vehicle with a sticker—yes, any—would be deemed “commercial” and towed. That includes bumper stickers, pinstripes, Punisher decals, Trump flags, and possibly even Bigfoot sightings. The proclamation was so sweeping it could’ve classified NASCAR as a commercial fleet. But the Zoom chat lit up like a Fourth of July sparkler. Hills heroes pushed back ...

Why Every Owner Should Care About Fair Governance On February 24, 2025 , I sent our Board of Directors a formal, well-researched inquiry about their proposed rule change that would ban my personal-use pickup truck—solely because it has a toolbox and ladder rack. I wasn’t just asking for myself. I was asking the questions any reasonable owner would: Where’s the legal authority for this rule? Why doesn’t it match Florida’s definition of a “commercial vehicle”? Why target one truck after years of ignoring others? The Board never responded. This Isn’t About One Truck When Board members start making rules based on their personal tastes instead of state law, we all lose. Today it’s my truck. Tomorrow it could be your SUV, your patio furniture, or even your bumper sticker. In fact, the Hills of Inverrary Board is already expanding their targets—going after vehicles with novelty stickers (yes, even a “Big Foot” sticker) and trying to force owners to remove decals they simply...

Last night at the Hills of Inverrary, the Rules and Regulations Committee gathered for what can only be described as a ceremonial recitation of the Condo Commandments—minus the ceremony, plus a generous helping of monotony. The Rules and Regs Guy, our self-anointed Moses of the Master Deed, took center stage and delivered a sermon so dry it could’ve been used to dehumidify the clubhouse. He spoke at length about the sacredness of the rules, the importance of enforcement, and the spiritual significance of laminated signage. Somewhere between “Section 4.2.1 of the Trash Bin Placement Protocol” and “Thou Shalt Not Park Crooked,” the Meeting Monitor nodded solemnly, as if bearing witness to the unveiling of divine truth. Then came the declaration: “The Condo Docs are our Bible!” A bold theological pivot, considering the Meeting Monitor once nearly combusted when the Hills of Inverrary News blog referred to a former board president as the “Pope of the Hills.” Apparently, papal metaphors ...

Welcome back to the Hills of Inverrary , where the COA board has discovered a new hobby: spending tens of thousands of dollars a year to mutilate healthy trees with unlicensed trimmers, no permits, and zero professional oversight. Arborists ? Ignored. County regulations? Flouted. Common sense? Chainsawed. 💸 The Budget Breakdown: “$80K to Butcher Trees—Because Why Not?” Let’s talk numbers. The board is reportedly spending between $40,000 and $80,000 annually on tree trimming activities that: Violate county law Ignore arborist recommendations Require permits they never pull Employ trimmers without licenses Result in no documented replacements That’s not landscaping. That’s landscam-ing . 🪓 What Are They Actually Doing? Topping hardwoods (a.k.a. “ hat-racking ”)—a practice banned for weakening tree structure and increasing storm risk Overlifting palms —removing too many fronds, which stresses the tree and violates ANSI A300 pruning standards No permits, no reports, no re...

Bob’s Bloopers at the Hills: Now Streaming Exclusively on Hills of Inverrary News In a community where the sprinklers hydrate the pavement and the trash trucks flirt with high voltage wires, one man stands at the center of it all: Pro Bono Bob . With a vintage MBA and a 30% accuracy rate that somehow still qualifies as “leadership,” Bob has become the accidental star of Hills of Inverrary’s most dysfunctional moments. That’s why we’re proud (and slightly alarmed) to introduce a new feature on Hills of Inverrary News : 🎬 Bob’s Bloopers at the Hills — a resident-powered video vault of COA mismanagement, maintenance misfires, and safety protocols that were clearly skipped in favor of “vibes.” Episode 1: Sprinklers Watering the Road Because nothing says “irrigation strategy” like soaking the asphalt while the plants gasp for mercy. Episode 2: Trash Truck Under Powerlines Watch as a crane lift performs a death-defying stunt beneath high voltage wires. Spoiler: no one called FPL. Thi...

In the lush, occasionally overwatered jungles of the Hills of Inverrary, a new turf war has erupted. And no, it’s not about COA fees or parking spaces this time—it’s about how to water the lawn . Enter Pro Bono Bob , the self-declared Lawn Whisperer of Lauderhill, who’s now demanding that anyone with an opinion on irrigation must first commission a “professional study.” Yes, you heard that right. If you dare suggest that maybe, just maybe, the sprinklers shouldn’t run during a thunderstorm, Bob wants a peer-reviewed dissertation, a soil analysis, and possibly a notarized affidavit from your grass. 🧠 Bob’s Law of Lawn Logic: Step 1: Ignore decades of turfgrass research from actual experts. Step 2: Declare yourself the authority. Step 3: Demand silence from the peasants unless they bring a “study.” But here’s the kicker: the University of Florida already did the homework . Their turfgrass specialists have published extensive guidelines on how to water lawns in South Florida, a...