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πŸ•΅️‍♂️ The Hills Have Rules — A Night with the Condo Commandments Committee

Last night at the Hills of Inverrary, the Rules and Regulations Committee gathered for what can only be described as a ceremonial recitation of the Condo Commandments—minus the ceremony, plus a generous helping of monotony.

The Rules and Regs Guy, our self-anointed Moses of the Master Deed, took center stage and delivered a sermon so dry it could’ve been used to dehumidify the clubhouse. He spoke at length about the sacredness of the rules, the importance of enforcement, and the spiritual significance of laminated signage. Somewhere between “Section 4.2.1 of the Trash Bin Placement Protocol” and “Thou Shalt Not Park Crooked,” the Meeting Monitor nodded solemnly, as if bearing witness to the unveiling of divine truth.

Then came the declaration: “The Condo Docs are our Bible!”

A bold theological pivot, considering the Meeting Monitor once nearly combusted when the Hills of Inverrary News blog referred to a former board president as the “Pope of the Hills.” Apparently, papal metaphors are blasphemy, but condo scripture? Holy ground.

To clarify his position, the Rules and Regs Guy announced, “I am not a Condo Commando.”
Which is exactly what a Condo Commando would say.
But fear not, residents—he’s not going to kick down your door for a rogue doormat. He’s just hiring security guards to patrol the premises like it’s Fort Knox with a pool.

And just when you thought the sermon was winding down, he unveiled his vision for the Hills’ future: a sacred tome of rules, tightly bound and beautifully presented to all new residents. Inspired by a neighboring condo association’s glossy, leatherette-bound rulebook (rumored to come with gold leaf and a bookmark ribbon), he insisted the Hills must follow suit. Because nothing says “Welcome Home” like a 72-page covenant wrapped in faux mahogany.

We can only assume the deluxe collector's edition will include:

  • A foreword by the Rules and Regs Guy himself
  • A centerfold of prohibited patio furniture
  • And a pull-out map of the community’s spiritual fault lines (i.e., where the recycling bins should go)

Meanwhile, the rest of us are left wondering:

  • Will there be a dress code for garbage day?
  • Is the Bible of the Hills available in audiobook?
  • And if the Rules and Regs Guy isn’t a Condo Commando, does that make him a Condo Cleric?

Stay tuned, Hills faithful. The next meeting may feature incense, robes, and a ceremonial reading of the bylaws in Gregorian chant.

“The Hills of Inverrary News Blog – Where Facts Live and Spin Stops.”

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